Friday, December 25, 2009

I Need Friends Friday: Santa Claus

It's that time of the week:

(Every Friday I interview a different person and share that interview with you. Perhaps they will be a fellow-author. Perhaps one of my neighbors. Maybe the bagger at the grocery store. A member of my family. A follower of this blog. Maybe it will be you! Hey, it could happen.)

Today's friend is Santa Claus--someone who requires no introduction!

SME: Welcome, Santa. Er... St. Nick. That is... Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Saint Nicholas. Um.

Santa: *dressed all in fur, from head to foot, clothes all tarnished with ashes and soot.* Ho, ho, ho. *belly jiggling like a bowl full of jelly* And those are only my English names.

SME: You certainly take the prize for the Friday Friend with the most names. Thank you for taking time to come visit at INFF. I know this is a busy time of year for you.

Santa: Actually, I have just reached my least busy time of year.

SME: Good point. How did things go last night, by the way?

Santa: Very well. I got an early start.

SME: Wait. Don't tell me you took off while creatures were still stirring. I'm pretty sure that's against some code of conduct.

Santa: I waited until sugar plums were in full dance before beginning my yearly journey.

SME: Excellent. I would hate to think "'Twas The Night Before Christmas" had been
rendered uselessly inaccurate.

Santa: Ho, ho, ho. *belly jiggles*

SME: Speaking of which, why did you lay your
finger aside of your nose? That never made much sense to me. Is this some sort of North Pole custom? Perhaps a signal to an accompanying elf that you are in need of a staged distraction?

Santa: Actually, I just had an itch.

SME: Been there. I often ask my Friday Friends what their favorite cookie is. I'm thinking though, considering the massive amounts of cookies you consumed
last night, that I'd do better to skip that question.

Santa: That would probably be best. I won't be able to think of cookies without becoming nauseated until at least June.

SME: True story.
So, is red a particularly warm color? I ask because I just moved to a cold climate and am trying to figure
out how to be at least minimally warm.

Santa: Red isn't any warmer than any other color.

SME: Then why do you wear it all the time.

Santa: At one point I wore an all white suit. Mrs. Claus hung it out to dry one year and it blended into the snowy landscape so well we never found it again.

SME: Hence the "no white after labor day" rule, I guess.

Santa: Ho, ho, ho.

SME: How would you like to play a game, Santa?

Santa: I love games! Although I am a little tired, so I may not be very alert.

SME: Not a problem, Santa. My games require very little mental clarity

Santa: (his eyes twinkle, his dimples look exceptionally merry) Perfect.

SME: I am calling this game, "Name The Presents Sarah Got From Santa on Christmases Past." I will throw out a year and you tell me what present you gave me that year.

Santa: I will do my best.

SME: 1986.

Santa: A "Kid Sister" doll. --------->

SME: Correct. I loved that thing. It was almost as big as I was.

Santa: A Little Professor Calculator.

SME: You. Are. Good.

Santa: I brought you exactly what you asked for.

SME: Yes...

Santa: You asked that the toys I bring for your children not make any noise.

SME: And you came through. What a guy!

Santa: (with a wink of his eye and a twist of his head) Ho, ho, ho.

SME: I drew a portrait of you. Would you'd like to see it?

Santa: I would love to!

*markers scratching paper in a very expert sort of way*

SME: Here ya go.

Santa: It is fantastic, though I'm not sure the elves would recognize me without my trademark belly.

SME: Ho, ho, ho.

Santa: Ho, ho, ho.

SME: Alright, Santa, the final question is: Top 5 reasons this is the best blog interview you've ever done. Ready. Go.

Santa: 1. The interview was held after Christmas Eve, not before.
2. You thoughtfully avoided discussing cookies.
3. I enjoyed the game.
4. I can now go to bed.
5. I got to chuckle warmly.

SME: I chuckled warmly, too! Thank you so much for joining us today, Santa. Now go rest for a few months.

Santa: I sure will. (Gives a nod. Rises up the chimney. Springs his sleigh. Whistles. Flies away a la the down of a thistle.) Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!

SME: *cue exit music* Well, this has been "I Need Friends" Friday. Come back next week when I will make another friend!!

If you'd like to be interviewed for "I Need Friends" Friday, shoot me off an email: friends at sarahmeden dot com!
I am looking for anyone and everyone, whether or not you think you are interesting. You'll get a fantastic stick figure portrait of yourself, a little promotion (if you're looking for that sort of thing) and the opportunity to tell your friends and family that you've been interviewed by SME, er... by ME!


1 comment:

Aubrey said...

Man, you always get the best interviews! And they're always so deeply personal-- Barbara Walters has nothing on you. Did SHE get to interview Santa Claus? I don't think so.

P.S. Take it from someone who knows-- there are no warm colors. The trick is to own lots and lots of scarves. ;)


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