(Every Friday I interview a different person and share that interview with you. Perhaps they will be a fellow-author. Perhaps one of my neighbors. Maybe the bagger at the grocery store. A member of my family. A follower of this blog. Maybe it will be you! Hey, it could happen.)
Today's friend is Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy. For nearly 200 years, Mr. Darcy has been considered the quintessential romantic hero. No one does brooding silences, tortured glances or drastic misunderstandings quite like he does. The co-star of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, Mr. Darcy has captured hearts the world over. I am very happy to have him on this special edition of I Need Friends Friday.
Brace yourselves, ladies. Mr. Darcy's in da house!!
SME: Welcome, Mr. Darcy. Should I call you Mr. Darcy, or do you prefer Fitzwilliam?
Mr. Darcy: I prefer Mr. Darcy.
SME: That seems a little formal. We are friends, after all.
Mr. Darcy: My friends call me Mr. Darcy.
SME: Mr. Bingley calls you “Darcy.” May I call you that?
Mr. Darcy: No.
SME: *under breath* This is off to a great start. *assumes a cheery face* You and I first met when I was twelve years old, I believe. Do you remember?
Mr. Darcy: I do, actually. You had a great deal to say about my lack of intelligence.
SME: You were sort of being a moron.
Mr. Darcy: In my defense, I was operating under a great many misconceptions. You, however, were privy to much that I was not.
SME: Meaning, I knew that Elizabeth Bennett was absolutely perfect for you and you were too much of a snot to get to know her well enough to discover that for yourself.
Mr. Darcy: Perhaps, Mrs. Eden, there is a reason you are in such desperate need of friends. I do believe that referring to one's prospective friend as a "snot” shortly after labeling that same individual a “moron” would significantly lessen the chances of solidifying a friendship.
SME: Oh, please. Like you haven't heard that before.
Mr. Darcy: Are we nearly done here?
SME: Not remotely.
Mr. Darcy: Wonderful.
SME: Was that sarcasm?
Mr. Darcy: Apparently, Mrs. Eden, that was the tone of voice utilized by a snotty moron.
SME: Self-fulfilling prophecy?
Mr. Darcy: Precisely.
SME: Perhaps I should move on to the game I planned for you.
Mr. Darcy: *dry tone of voice * I can hardly wait.
SME: *under breath. again * Snotty moron.
Mr. Darcy: I beg your pardon?
SME: Just setting up our game. I have entitled this game “Mr. Darcy, Meet Mr. Darcy.”
Mr. Darcy: *grumbling* Oh, lud.
SME: As I am sure you are aware, ever since your introduction to the world in 1813, society has seen many reincarnations of you. Today we are going to revisit a few of those.
Mr. Darcy: What, precisely, am I required to do for this bit of second-rate entertainment?
SME: You know, there was a time when I would have vehemently defended you against those who claim that Edward Cullen has dethroned you as the reigning king of romantic heroes. Right now, kinda agreeing with them.
Mr. Darcy: Is that supposed to offend me or wound my tender sensibilities?
SME: *snorts * Tender sensibilities? Ha! *sniffles subtly * I doubt you have any sensibilities, whatsoever. As a matter of fact, I am now convinced you were both the Pride and the Prejudice!
Mr. Darcy: Are you... crying?
SME: No. *sniffle * A little. I was looking forward to this interview and having you as one of my friends, and now you're being rude and uncooperative and...
Mr. Darcy: *sighs * Explain your game.
SME: You mean it?
Mr. Darcy: Yes. But Elizabeth will never let me hear the end of this.
SME: *claps hands gleefully * I am going to compare and contrast a couple different “Mr. Darcys” and you get to tell me which one got it right!
Mr. Darcy: Meaning, which came closest to an accurate representation of me?
Comparison #1: Laurence Olivier (from 1940's “Pride and Prejudice”) and David Rintoul (from 1980's “Pride and Prejudice”).
Mr. Darcy: They were both fantastic.
SME: That's it?
Mr. Darcy: Yes. Next comparison.
SME: I only have one more.
Mr. Darcy: I will strive to endure the disappointment.
SME: #2: Collin Firth (from 1995's “Pride and Prejudice”) and Matthew Macfadyen (from 2005's “Pride and Prejudice”)
Mr. Darcy: They were both fantastic.
SME: Oh, brother.
Well, I guess I should just move on to the part where I draw your portrait.
Mr. Darcy: You are an artist?
SME: Haven't you ever read any of these interviews?
SME: Never mind.
*The smell of Sharpies fills the air*
SME: So, what do you think?
Mr. Darcy: You've drawn me too thin.
SME: Edward is so getting my vote.
Mr. Darcy: Have you had him on this little program of yours?
SME: Not yet.
Mr. Darcy: Let him endure... that is, undertake an interview before you come to any conclusions. I suspect he will lose some of his charm, as well.
SME: People love these interviews. In fact, I always end with the same question. Please (you even got a “please”) give the top 5 reasons why this is the best blog interview you've ever done.
Mr. Darcy: Must I?
Mr. Darcy: 1. The game was mercifully short.
2.I am not obligated to display the portrait anywhere.
That is all I can think of.
SME: I guess that will do. Thanks.
Mr. Darcy: I am done, now?
Mr. Dancy: Then, you're welcome.
SME: *cue exit music* Well, this has been "I Need Friends" Friday. Come back next week when I will make another friend!!
If you'd like to be interviewed for "I Need Friends" Friday, shoot me off an email: friends at sarahmeden dot com!
I am looking for anyone and everyone, whether or not you think you are interesting. You'll get a fantastic stick figure portrait of yourself, a little promotion (if you're looking for that sort of thing) and the opportunity to tell your friends and family that you've been interviewed by SME, er... by ME!