(Every Friday I interview a different person and share that interview with you. Perhaps they will be a fellow-author. Perhaps one of my neighbors. Maybe the bagger at the grocery store. A member of my family. A follower of this blog. Maybe it will be you! Hey, it could happen.)
Today's friend hardly needs an introduction. He has set hearts a flutter on more than one continent since his literary introduction in 2005. His very conflicted and angst-filled life is chronicled in Stephenie Meyer's best-selling Twilight series and on the big screen in today's hotly anticipated release, "New Moon."
Ladies and... er... Ladies, Edward Cullen.
SME: *smiles a little awkwardly, stumbling over a few attempts at opening up this interview*
Edward: Are you alright?
SME: *clears throat* I guess I'm a little... overwhelmed. It's as if everything about you invites me in--your voice, your face, even your smell.
Edward: I get that a lot.
SME: So this must be a big day for you.
Edward: And why is that?
SME: Hello. "New Moon." Your latest movie. You are the star, after all.
Edward: You do realize, don't you, that I am not actually in that movie?
SME: Huh? It says Edward Cullen right there on the poster.
Edward: That is Robert Pattinson. He's an actor.
SME: I distinctly heard hundreds of tweenage girls scream "Edward" when he showed up at the premiere.
<----*assumes a smug expression* Care to explain that?
Edward: *produces a crooked smile* Are you being serious?
SME: I am always serious.
Edward: *sighs in a way that clearly indicates he is tempted to roll his golden eyes* The young ladies are obviously identifying Robert with the character he plays in the movies. He and I do bear something of a resemblance to one another. Except that he-- *a sudden shift in mood from smiling and slightly friendly to brooding and inwardly conflicted* --is not a monster.
SME: You're kind of hung up on that, aren't you? Obviously it doesn't bother me. We're friends now, remember?
Edward: I never said I didn't want to be friends. *brooding mood changes abruptly to intense and mysterious* Just that it would be better if we weren't friends.
SME: I think I've heard that somewhere before.
Edward: *an unexpected, crooked smile appears apparently out of nowhere* Well, I have been around a while, I'm bound to repeat myself at some point.
SME: *unsure what mood to expect from her guest next* Okay. I understand you like to play the piano.
Edward: *the smile disappears. the brooding returns* I have a lot of time on my hands, being lonely and alone and lonely.
SME: Are you lonely, Edward?
Edward: *brooding gives way to a look of immense sadness and... loneliness* The world's most dangerous predator doesn't have a lot of friends.
SME: I offered to be your friend. But you said it was better that we weren't.
Edward: *chuckles warmly*
SME: *has no idea what brought on that emotional shift* So, um, do you think Rob Pattinson does a good job portraying you?
Edward: I would like to think I am not as moody as he makes me seem.
Edward: What is that supposed to mean?
SME: I am pretty sure that "Edward Cullen" has been added to every thesaurus in print as a synonym to the word "moody."
Edward: *lifts his eyes dramatically toward the heavens, as if searching for an answer to an unanswerable question. a sigh of resignation mingled with frustration escapes*
SME: *attempts to salvage the interview* I suppose you do have ample reason for being just a touch... well, touchy. If I were madly, passionately in love with my primary source of nourishment, I'd be conflicted, too.
Edward: *looks vaguely amused* This is a very odd interview.
SME: I get that a lot.
What's your favorite continent?
Edward: My favorite continent?
SME: Valid question.
Edward: North America, I suppose. *crooked smile* That is where I met Bella, after all.
SME: Very romantic answer. Mr. Darcy didn't pull out anything that suave.
Edward: *a sudden frown and a look of barely veiled self-loathing* Mr. Darcy probably gets to sleep at night. I don't sleep. Ever. Because I'm a monster.
SME: I have no response to that.
Edward: *an unexpectedly mischievous look crosses his face* I understand I am to expect some kind of strange game or ritual at this point.
SME: Mr. Darcy had no idea what was going on during his interview. It was incredibly lame.
Edward: *drops his head into his hands in a gesture of utter self-defeat* Lame is far better than deadly.
SME: *mutters* ahem... *coughs the next word* moody...
Edward: So what is this game? *flashes another smile*
SME: *smiles back awkwardly, wondering which temperament to prepare for next* I have invented an entirely new game just for you. In fact, you are probably the only person on the entire planet who could possibly play this game.
Edward: *forehead creased, all traces of happiness have vanished* I do try to blend in.
SME: *clears throat in confused nervousness* The game is entitled "Answer the Questions In Sarah's Mind." I'm just going to sit here silently and you have to answer whatever question enters my mind--since you can read thoughts and everything.
Edward: *a sudden blinding smile* Alright.
Edward: No, you do not smell as good as Bella. *intensely thoughtful expression* She's like a drug to me.
Edward: Not at the midnight showing. *a melancholy sigh* Bella and I will go at a less conspicuous time.
Edward: *crooked and amused grin* I really have no influence there. Stephenie will decide if Midnight Sun is ever completed.
Edward: I'm not sure I'm in favor of her finishing it. *clenches fists, jaw set in frustration* Living through those early months of torture was hard enough without reading it spelled out in detail on the page.
Edward: *rolls eyes and looks unexpectedly irritated* I don't bite people on demand.
Edward: You will have to ask Jacob-- *a growl* --yourself.
SME: *tries to hide the sarcasm* That was loads of fun. Now on to the part of the interview when I draw a picture of my new friend. You.
*Masterpiece in the making*
SME: What do you think?
Edward: I am very... sparkly.
SME: It's like diamonds.
Edward: *a scowl and an abrupt despondent tone* It's the skin of a monster.
SME: Alright, final question. Top five reasons this is the best blog interview you've ever done. Ready. Go.
Edward: 1. I was able to establish once and for all that Robert Pattinson and I are not, in fact, the same person.
SME: Because he's not a monster, right?
Edward: *scowls. then smiles crookedly. then sighs. then chuckles. then looks extremely unhappy. but recovers and grins* 2. The interview was remarkably well-timed (with the movie out today and all).
3. The game was not at all what I was expecting.
4. Bella will enjoy reading it.
5. *several rounds of name-that-mood-swing* I have another piece of art for the house, which is filled with art but in which I am often very---
Edward: *amused chuckle* Precisely.
SME: This has been... interesting, Edward. Thanks for stopping by. And thanks for not killing me.
Edward: *scowl. then smile* You're welcome.
SME: *cue exit music* Well, this has been "I Need Friends" Friday. Come back next week when I will make another friend!!
If you'd like to be interviewed for "I Need Friends" Friday, shoot me off an email: friends at sarahmeden dot com!
I am looking for anyone and everyone, whether or not you think you are interesting. You'll get a fantastic stick figure portrait of yourself, a little promotion (if you're looking for that sort of thing) and the opportunity to tell your friends and family that you've been interviewed by SME, er... by ME!