Friday, November 20, 2009

I Need Friends Friday: Edward Cullen

It's that time of the week:

(Every Friday I interview a different person and share that interview with you. Perhaps they will be a fellow-author. Perhaps one of my neighbors. Maybe the bagger at the grocery store. A member of my family. A follower of this blog. Maybe it will be you! Hey, it could happen.)

Today's friend hardly needs an introduction. He has set hearts a flutter on more than one continent since his literary introduction in 2005. His very conflicted and angst-filled life is chronicled in Stephenie Meyer's best-selling Twilight series and on the big screen in today's hotly anticipated release, "New Moon."

Ladies and... er... Ladies, Edward Cullen.

SME: *smiles a little awkwardly, stumbling over a few attempts at opening up this interview*

Edward: Are you alright?

*clears throat* I guess I'm a little... overwhelmed. It's as if everything about you invites me in--your voice, your face, even your smell.

Edward: I get that a lot.

SME: So this must be a big day for you.

Edward: And why is that?

SME: Hello. "New Moon."
Your latest movie. You are the star, after all.

Edward: You do realize, don't you, that I am not actually in that movie?

SME: Huh?
It says Edward Cullen right there on the poster.

Edward: That is Robert Pattinson. He's an actor.

I distinctly heard hundreds of tweenage girls scream "Edward" when he showed up at the premiere.
<----*assumes a smug expression* Care to explain that?

Edward: *produces a crooked smile* Are you being serious?

SME: I am always serious.

Edward: *sighs in a way that clearly indicates he is tempted to roll his golden eyes* The young ladies are obviously identifying Robert with the character he plays in the movies. He and I do bear something of a resemblance to one another. Except that he-- *a sudden shift in mood from smiling and slightly friendly to brooding and inwardly conflicted* --is not a monster.

SME: You're kind of hung up on that, aren't you? Obviously it doesn't bother me. We're friends now, remember?

Edward: I never said I didn't want to be friends. *brooding mood changes abruptly to intense and mysterious* Just that it would be better if we weren't friends.

SME: I think I've heard that somewhere before.

Edward: *an unexpected, crooked smile appears apparently out of nowhere* Well, I have been around a while, I'm bound to repeat myself at some point.

SME: *unsure what mood to expect from her guest next* Okay. I understand you like to play the piano.

Edward: *the smile disappears. the brooding returns* I have a lot of time on my hands, being lonely and alone and lonely.

SME: Are you lonely, Edward?

Edward: *brooding gives way to a look of immense sadness and... loneliness* The world's most dangerous predator doesn't have a lot of friends.

SME: I offered to be your friend. But you said it was better that we weren't.

Edward: *chuckles warmly*

SME: *has no idea what brought on that emotional shift*
So, um, do you think Rob Pattinson does a good job portraying you?

Edward: I would like to think I am not as moody as he makes me seem.

SME: *snorts*

Edward: What is that supposed to mean?

SME: I am pretty sure that "Edward Cullen" has been added to every thesaurus in print as a synonym to the word "moody."

Edward: *lifts his eyes dramatically toward the heavens, as if searching for an answer to an unanswerable question. a sigh of resignation mingled with frustration escapes*

SME: *attempts to salvage the interview* I suppose you do have ample reason for being just a touch... well, touchy. If I were madly, passionately in love with my primary source of nourishment, I'd be conflicted, too.

Edward: *looks vaguely amused* This is a very odd interview.

SME: I get that a lot.
What's your favorite continent?

Edward: My favorite continent?

SME: Valid question.

Edward: North America, I suppose. *crooked smile* That is where I met Bella, after all.

SME: Very romantic answer. Mr. Darcy didn't pull out anything that suave.

Edward: *a sudden frown and a look of barely veiled self-loathing* Mr. Darcy probably gets to sleep at night. I don't sleep. Ever. Because I'm a monster.

SME: I have no response to that.

Edward: *an unexpectedly mischievous look crosses his face* I understand I am to expect some kind of strange game or ritual at this point.

SME: Mr. Darcy had no idea what was going on during his interview. It was incredibly lame.

Edward: *drops his head into his hands in a gesture of utter self-defeat* Lame is far better than deadly.

SME: *mutters* ahem... *coughs the next word* moody...

Edward: So what is this game? *flashes another smile*

SME: *smiles back awkwardly, wondering which temperament to prepare for next* I have invented an entirely new game just for you. In fact, you are probably the only person
on the entire planet who could possibly play this game.

Edward: *forehead creased, all traces of happiness have vanished* I do try to blend in.

SME: *clears throat in confused nervousness* The game is entitled "Answer the Questions In Sarah's Mind." I'm just going to sit here silently and you have to answer whatever question enters my mind--since you can read thoughts and everything.

Edward: *a sudden blinding smile* Alright.


Edward: No, you do not smell as good as Bella. *intensely thoughtful expression* She's like a drug to me.


Edward: Not at the midnight showing. *a melancholy sigh* Bella and I will go at a less conspicuous time.


Edward: *crooked and amused grin* I really have no influence there. Stephenie will decide if Midnight Sun is ever completed.


Edward: I'm not sure I'm in favor of her finishing it. *clenches fists, jaw set in frustration* Living through those early months of torture was hard enough without reading it spelled out in detail on the page.


Edward: *rolls eyes and looks unexpectedly irritated* I don't bite people on demand.


Edward: You will have to ask Jacob-- *a growl* --yourself.

SME: *tries to hide the sarcasm* That was loads of fun. Now on to the part of the
interview when I draw a picture of my new friend. You.

*Masterpiece in the making*

SME: What do you think?

Edward: I am very... sparkly.

SME: It's like diamonds.

Edward: *a scowl and an abrupt despondent tone* It's the skin of a monster.

SME: Alright, final question. Top five reasons this is the best blog interview you've ever done. Ready. Go.

Edward: 1. I was able to establish once and for all that Robert Pattinson and I are not, in fact, the same person.

SME: Because he's not a monster, right?

Edward: *scowls. then smiles crookedly. then sighs. then chuckles. then looks extremely unhappy. but recovers and grins* 2. The interview was remarkably well-timed (with the movie out today and all).
3. The game was not at all what I was expecting.
4. Bella will enjoy reading it.
5. *several rounds of name-that-mood-swing* I have another piece of art for the house, which is filled with art but in which I am often very---

SME: Lonely?

Edward: *amused chuckle* Precisely.

SME: This has been... interesting, Edward. Thanks for stopping by. And thanks for not killing me.

Edward: *scowl. then smile* You're welcome.

SME: *cue exit music* Well, this has been "I Need Friends" Friday. Come back next week when I will make another friend!!

If you'd like to be interviewed for "I Need Friends" Friday, shoot me off an email: friends at sarahmeden dot com!
I am looking for anyone and everyone, whether or not you think you are interesting. You'll get a fantastic stick figure portrait of yourself, a little promotion (if you're looking for that sort of thing) and the opportunity to tell your friends and family that you've been interviewed by SME, er... by ME!


Olivia* said...

You have done it once again! Sarah thank for granting us such a rare look inside the mind of Edward Cullen! I have to say I am so sad that you are moving to Utah, but hey, maybe we will get some more awesome I Need a Friend Friday interviews out of it! Good Luck with cleaning and moving a book writing!

Annette Lyon said...

The apple is the perfect touch to the portrait! And you picked the perfect game to play. Bravo!

Shantel said...

You have really outdone yourself! This is SO funny! and totally Edward. Darcy made me laugh too. You pick the most mysteriously emotional men!

Rebecca Irvine said...

Love the mind-reading game! Once again, such a funny interview. I love your sense of humor.

LDS_Publisher said...

Hilarious! Love that "Stolen Christmas" banner at the top too.

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

very very hilarious! great job!

Tristi Pinkston said...

I'd love to be interviewed, but I'm not a vampire, and I don't sparkle, and I don't growl. I also don't bite people on demand. But I'm moody. Does that work?

Great interview, Sarah!

Paul D. Eden said...

THAT was a masterpiece!!

Great work Sarah. I can't stop chuckling.

Aubrey said...

The mind reading game was perfect.

And I've gotta know-- did you ask the question about biting people on demand for my benefit? Because if you did, I must say that I'm touched. :)

Big Toe Mom said...

I wonder if any of the girls have read this yet?
I truly enjoyed this! THANKS

Angie said...

Brilliant! Loved it! Is Jacob's interview coming soon? ;)

Anna del C. Dye said...

That is so good. I love it.
Is an interview with Legolas in your list yet? Let me know when you do.
Anna del C. Dye
Author of "The Silent Warrior Trilogy"

hopeandme said...

To make the blog take my comment, all I have to do is sign in. Now who would have thought that?

I love your interviews. This one especially. To the teenagers, this guy must be a "hunk", but are they talking about Edward or his other personality? I suppose if he wanted to nibble on my neck it would be okay - altough at my age it would probably be too tough and then he would go into a moody "mood".

I am very glad you were cautious with this interview! After all, one wrong word and ... there you go!
Barbara B

Jewel said...

I seriously almost peed my pants. That was amazing.

Valerie Ipson said...

I loved it Sarah and what a "get" to be able to interview Edward! I think he was lying when he said Bella smelled better than you, though. Scent of Cheetos, c'mon.

Susan G. Haws said...

Very enjoyable, keep it up.

Joan Sowards said...

You are so clever!

Fenwick Family said...

That was so much Fun!

twilightfans said...

Buahahahahahahahahaha! That made me laugh to no end! You don't know me, but I'm Jewel Busch's little sister. Jewel showed this blog to me, and I have to say, you are incredibly witty! Loved the game!

Faith St. Clair said...

Sarah, you are feakin' hilarious. I'll have to remember not to read your blog while at work!

mormonhermitmom said...



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